How (& Why) to Forgive Someone Who Has Not Asked For It?
“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.” Lewis B. Smedes
Nothing can be more heavier than carrying a grudge in your heart for someone. It becomes even more worse when the person is unwilling to accept their wrong doings and just reluctant to apologize to you. A sincere apology validates our perception that ‘they’ were wrong. “I'm sorry” pacifies our burning ego. It gives us a sense of being heard, acknowledged and valued. We all definitely will not prefer to live with a heaviness all through our lives. Then how to go about it? Is there any way out? Yes! The answer is forgiveness and It is certainly doable.
It seems way too strange to forgive someone for their hurtful involvement with us who are denied to offer you an apology for their rude behaviour. In reality we were hurt once but aren’t we hurting ourselves continuously by relentlessly thinking about their bad deeds on an endless repeat? So, aren’t we playing both the victim and the culprit together. Indeed we are performing well playing the double role!
Well, choosing to hold on to that resentment is like poisoning yourself gradually, and expecting the other person to die. Life has a fair game, you have poison, you die!
Why To Forgive
It is high time to break this dilemma. Let's be a healer to self by practicing forgiveness. When we forgive someone for their mistake or error, it allows us to:~
Let Go What Dull Our Shine
Digest the fact that letting go is the ultimate solution. Do not hold back what hurt you and do not forget what it taught to avoid the future trap. To experience life we have to unhold the bitter past that keeps poisoning our spirit.
Make Life Easier
We only have control over what we feel, think or do and not on others. Releasing the grudges helps to stop worrying about and thereby helps us to focus on building a more peace-filled life for ourselves. Life actually gets simple when we remove things/people who make it puzzling. This way you will create enough rooms for what matters you the most.
Unleash the Weight from our Ankles
Coping with lost self-esteem, failure, emptiness etc are really heavier than anything in the world. And we have no idea how hard we have tied them all up to our innersel that our soul finds it so suffocating to breathe. Why punish our own darling self? So let go and set yourself free. Moment you do this, you will feel the freshness of the air that you are inhaling now. Isn’t it so soul satisfying and serene. Let’s gift this serenity to our loving self.
Move forward from the pain
Life goes on whatever the case may be. None of us would wish to move forward with the load of past pains. And it’s absolutely OK to not have everything figured out to move ahead, so make it simpler by dropping the dead stuff right away. Be brave enough to say a proper ‘goodbye’ to that grudge and you never know if life has plans to present you a new ‘hello’!
Feel More Strengthened Now - Kintsugi Way
Bad episodes are good sculptors of our lives. Broken pieces give more strength when it comes to rebuilding yourself. Now you are wise enough to deal with the situation better. Japanese have a beautifully unique practice of repairing their broken pottery with gold, making it more beautiful than before. It works well on humans too!
Put on our loving lenses
Where there is love, there is life. Bitterness dampens the mood whereas love amplifies it. Elevated mood cheers you to do good and feel good in life, and this is pretty much what we all strive for. Love makes us deliciously human.
How to Forgive When ‘They’ Are Not Sorry
You can’t simply walk up to ‘them’ and say “I forgive you” out of nowhere. It may rather confuse the recipient. That’s why you gotta do this without saying those three words and do these simple and happy tricks for forgiving the un-sorry person.
Communicating with self
Talk to yourself. Listen to yourself. And you will find answers. Yes, you will. Do not miss this me time at least once in a day. This inner dialogue has the most satisfying results. It is ok if you are not able to get to some specific conclusions but you will definitely find answers for your lost queries.
Owning Our Emotions
Do you wish someone else to decide your life journey and not you? Then why to give away the privilege of steering your life. Get on the hot seat, go ahead, take crazy turns, be mad or get offended or even hurt, it's your journey darling. Like this, why let your emotions be driven by some other person, or situation. Set yourself free by letting go whatever you have been holding on to.
Realizing Our Part
As there are two sides of the coin, every situation has two sides too. Let’s broaden our understanding of the situation. This may let you feel why the other person reacted in a way they did.
Choosing to be in the present
What has happened, has happened. Can’t be undone anyhow. But why live a suffocating present due to a bad past? We really have a very limited time. None knows when they will breathe last. So do the way you wish to and make the most of it.
Gently talking about it
To get rid of endless provoking thoughts, bring the matter on a coffee table and confront it. Yes, it’s undoubtedly a difficult way but in most of the cases it has shown results. As, when you choose to discuss, you drop the blame game and prepare yourself to have a listening buddy.
Not Avoiding Them
Avoiding or escaping from the situation has never been considered a good solution. It only adds frustration to your already heavy heart. So, if you happen to be with them at your home, workplace or anywhere else, do not avoid them. Accept their presence. You may choose to keep a distance but playing hide and seek with them will be a bad game.
Continuing our Routine With Less Conflict
One of the most courageous yet beautiful moments in life is when we choose to let go and take the sip of life. Walk wholeheartedly in your daily routine. Take your yoga mat in the garden, make a pudding, read your favorite book, hangout with family or friends, tap your feet on your rhythm, do what you want. It will help you gain more ease and let go of all trivia.
Forgiving Them More For Yourself Then Them
A step ahead to liberate yourself. It is wise to forgive a culprit because you deserve peace. Darling, it is you who needs it so much, so take that shot and forgive them. This way you are opening all the doors and windows to let the exciting future in. A weak can’t forgive, but you are strong!
Listening to their Unspoken Sorry
If you want to, you may wait for a lifetime to listen to their apology. So, do you wish to give away your life for their ‘sorry’. Do not make it this expensive. Instead just ease it for yourself by assuming it and let the healing begin.
Forgiveness is a Process too
The very moment you decide to forgive, you embark on a journey of self care. You might struggle sometime, which is OK. You are in the process of removing bitterness from your life, so do not stop in the middle just because you are finding it a little challenging. You are working for a grudge-free tomorrow for yourself. Be patient, you will have it.
 Do You Forgive Someone Who is Not Sorry?){kind=link}
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